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Joke of the Day

"12: I hate school. Me: Hey! Perk up! Years from now you'll look back on this as the best time of your life! 12: Now you're just being mean"

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!"

"How can tell your roommate is gay? His dick tastes like shit."

"My Mom keeps warning me about talking to strangers on the Internet. I'm 34 now Mom. I don't talk to them. I sleep with them."

"I just read the ""100 things to do before you die"" list.... I'm kinda surprised that ""call 911"" didn't make the cut."

"Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day. It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound"

"What did the hungry dyslexic order at the movie theater? Cop porn * This is probably already a joke but I'm experiencing a huge coffee crash so it was hilarious to me."

"BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie."

"The fencer thought he knew what was about to happen but... ...his opponent feinted."

"What do you call a lightbulb that holds the door for you? A polite bulb."