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Joke of the Day

"I just dropped my BlackBerry! This must be similar to how mother's feel when they drop their infants."

"The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse."

"Whats the difference between seeing a rapist in the daytime and seeing a rapist at night? At night you can only see the eyes and the grill."

"Him: Would you like to have lunch sometime? Me: I like to have lunch every afternoon."

"A friend told me to try Viagra, he said it'll make me feel like James Bond. I don't know about that but I can defiantly feel my Rodger Moore."

"If the people that drink it are any indication, Diet Coke does not work."

"As an American, the moment I stop feeling full is the perfect time for a light snack. Or maybe a whole cheesecake or dozen donuts. Whatever."

"I had a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, and it steel wooden whistle. But then I bought a tin whistle, and now I tin whistle!"

"I almost died last night. I woke up at 3am and MY FOOT WAS HANGING OFF THE EDGE OF THE BED. NOT EVEN UNDER THE COVERS."

"What do you call when Batman leaves the church early? Christian Bale"