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Joke of the Day

"Why do Russians love pho? Because they're SO-VIET"

"What keyboard shortcut do the elderly have the most trouble with? Ctrl+P"

"*raises the bar 16 yrs later] Bar: even though you weren't my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad. *me trying not to cry"

"How do you keep a blonde busy for years? Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator."

"How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim."

"I decided to read War and Peace whilst walking over the Golden-Gate, I'd heard the abridged version was easier to finish."

"Your Momma so fat when I download porn of her on the Internet I exceed my monthly data cap"

"Boss: Why weren't you at work last week? Me: Why are you living in the past?"

"What do Kim Kardashian, and my girlfriend have in common? They're both made up."

"What's green and has four wheels? A turtle. I was lying about the wheels"