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Joke of the Day
"My neighbor's diary says I have boundary issues."
Next Joke
"MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend dear. Fall down when she hits you."
"What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look I'm changing!"
"I like my women like I like my coffee. Easy to have sex with."
"what's orange and sounds like a parrot? a carrot."
"""Every dog has his day,"" they used to say. Still, no one was quite prepared that morning Emperor Mister Pickles marched his army into town."
"Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7"
"If pigs could vote they'd always vote for the guy who brings the food, even though he's the same one who will slaughter and eat them later."
"My mate says I don't understand irony... Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop at the time."
"Psychiatrist: ""Your check bounced and was returned for insufficient funds."" Me: ""So how does that make you feel?"""