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Joke of the Day

"My wife tried on a new dress and turned to me and said, ""I look fat, can you give me a compliment?"" ""You have perfect eyesight"", I replied."

"What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph? A witch in a high speed train."

"If you ever feel lonely... just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore."

"Why was the Dalai Lama not upset after he spilled spaghetti sauce? Because it happened in the *past*a."

"Women love to cook Because they get to continuously change something until it's exactly what they want"

"When someone says Jesus was a virgin ...I have to laugh. How about that one time he got nailed by a bunch of Romans?"

"A dyslexic robber walks into a bank... He says, ""air in the hands mother-stickers, this is a fuck-up!"""

"What's the best part about dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere!!"

"smoking I use to smoke, I'll probably never say that I quit but I do stop for intermittent periods. I, like most people, call this lapse in my habit a ""relationship""."

"My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like ""please untie me"" and ""just tell me who you are""."