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Joke of the Day

"How bout a fortune cookie that tells you not to take advice from shitty dessert."

"What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye."

"I love the Lion King... ...but Simba is so slow. Sometimes I wish he'd Mufasa."

"Did y'all know witches make only 70% of the salary warlocks make despite doing the same evil-ass magic? That's some bullshit right there!"

"How do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery bag? You take the ""S"" out of safe and the ""F"" out of way. One of my all time faves. If you say it out loud it will make sense :D"

"Best actor of all time in human history. Also Starring"

"How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down"

"""HELP!"" Joe pants. ""WHAT IS IT JOE?"" I belt. ""I THINK SOMEBODY SWITCHED OUR ARTICULATORY VERBS WITH CLOTHING WORDS."" He cardigans."

"What do you call Trump's barber? Orange peeler"

"My wife said she wouldn't have sex with me until I did everything on the ""To-Do list"" So I scratched out **#1** ""*Wash the car*"" and replaced it with ""*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"""