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Joke of the Day

"The only folks who put them passwords on that fancy wi-fi internets is terrorists. This is Merica, land of the free."

"My new year's resolution is... ...running at 1680 x 1050"

"if you added the letters S and E to the X files it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol"

"As a kleptomaniac, I demand my rights... And that guy's rights... And his pen..."

"Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won't be allowed on this airline again"

"I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wipe his ass. [Edit] my uncle just told me this"

"""That dress fits you like a glove"" ""It sticks out in five places"""

"How was copper wire invented? two Jews were fighting over a penny"

"What's the difference between an M&M and a tiny mute in your tuna sandwich screaming for help? One melts in your mouth, one mouths in your melt."