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Joke of the Day

"(fairly gosh darn NSFW) Yeah, so, I'm a necrophiliac, right... .....I *had* a girlfriend, but the rotten cunt split on me."

"Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers."

"*Scrawls ""HELP ME, MY PARENTS ARE VEGANS!"" on gas station restroom mirror*"

"why isn't there a sprite history month"

"If at first you dont succeed, then skydiving probably isn't for you!"

"TV that gets louder to compensate for when you are chewing."

"I drank a bottle of vodka tonight and I was feeling Russian Russian to bed"

"It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M- A-N. 1948. HUGE upset. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true."

"My wife and I have lists for people we'd make exceptions for... I have one for midgets but it's a small list."

"My abusive father always tells jokes His favorite part is the Punch Line."