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Joke of the Day

"The sushi at my local deli is to die of."

"You're pretty cocky for someone with such a small... ....vocabulary."

"Peyton Manning walks into a bar. ... to watch the Super Bowl."

"why Ed doesn't have a girlfriend? Cause sheeran."

"Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn't counting calories."

"I hate Nihilism ... It's meaningless!"

"I'm doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble today. Nobody asked me to. It's not even my book."

"I brought a can of WD-40 with me on a first date It had been a while since my last date, and I was afraid I might be a little rusty."

"Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!"

"2 blondes are taking a walk in a park... One of them says: ""Ouuh... look, a dead bird"" And the other looks up and asks: ""Where?"""