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Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my dad. Not screaming in terror, like his passengers."

"Sad that Batman's never seen a PG movie b/c he never had parental guidance"

"[board meeting] ""So Mr Parachute do u have a name for your invention?"" ""I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'."" ""Uh no."""

"I recently heard Lorena Bobbitt died in a car accident ... Some dick cut her off"

"Why don't Americans get knock knock jokes? FREEDOM RINGS"

"Why isn't ""cheating"" a relationship status on Facebook?"

"*flips a quarter into jukebox from across room, jukebox spits it back at me, it goes down my throat, ""wake me up before you go-go"" plays*"

"Why was the policeman sent to talk to a bunch of crows? Because someone said there was a ""murder""."

"Why wouldn't the four month old African stop crying? He was going through a midlife crisis"

"What do you call a guy who wears two condoms? Justin Case"