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Joke of the Day

"What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself."

"What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say to his colleague? Hoover fuck said this job would be a good idea?"

"Got told this at work today all the guys thought it was funny and so thought iI'dput it to the vote? What's the best part about having a hooker die on you? The second hour is free."

"Why did the Baker have brown hands? He kneaded a poo"

"What's the difference between a joke and a retorical question?"

"Before college I didn't have a degree, or money, or any idea what I was doing with my life. But NOW I have a degree."

"News: Don't panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don't panic though."

"Double standards are amazing. If I take my top off I'm called a ""poser"". But if a women does it, suddenly I'm not allowed to masturbate?"

"""Count down to zero silently with your fingers and then do a fist pump."" - SWAT manual on breaking down doors"

"Marriage is the only legal way to trade cash for sex."