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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with bodybuilding. I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders."

"When a relative asks me what I'm doing with my life, I tell more lies than a guy at a computer whose wife just asked him what he's doing."

"I've been on my computer all night! Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like everyone else?"

"[moses parts sea] Slaves: wow! Why we running away if u can do shit like that? Lets go back & claim the pyramids Moses: thats my only trick"

"Two chemist walks into a bar The first chemist says ""A glass of H2O"" The second says ""A glass of H2O, too"" The second chemist died soon after."

"Why was the moth so unpopular ? He kept picking holes in everything !"

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife."

"A cop pulls a guy over.... And asks the man ""sir have you been drinking tonight?"" Looking around the car bewildered he replies ""why is there a fat bitch in here?"""

"ANIMALS IT'S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA 1. Mosquitoes 2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR 3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark"

"Putting on a clean pair of underwear everyday is a great way to have seven pair on by the end of the week."