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Joke of the Day

"A very curious kid Kid: ""Papa, are you growing taller all the time?"" Father: ""No, my child. Why do you ask?"" Kid: ""Because the top of your head is poking up through your hair."""

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"[drinks milk from carton] WHY AREN'T YOU USING A GLASS?!? ""I went to the eye doctor"" What does that mean? ""He said I don't need glasses"""
"Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella? Fo Drizzle."
"If they had a 4chan game... It'd always be in beta."
"What did the neutrino say to the planet? Just passing through"
"Teacher: What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm? Girl: Apollo neck jumpers ?"
"I think Mondays were invented to punish us for all the fun we have on the weekends!"
"I do things for others... Like when I'm drunk dancing by myself, Billy Idol style, and I save my friends from being seen with me."
"How do you make an octopus laugh? Give it ten tickles!"
"You know you have a drinking problem if the bartender knows your name.....and you've never even been to that bar before."