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Joke of the Day

"Everyone is telling others how to vote via Face Book. and all I can think is how I just watched Bob Ross paint this whole thing and explain every step but I still don't get how he did it."

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"Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius."
"DOCTOR: *stethoscope on my back* Gimme a very slow exhale. ME: EXXXXHHHHHHAAAALLLLLE"
"Cheated on Twitter with my real life today."
"I like my women like I like my microwaves... Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and willing and able to kill any baby I put inside them."
"BREAKING: Europe awaiting a new wave of economical refugees! But atleast their English is bloody excellent!"
"What is the difference between an onion and a hooker? I always cry when I cut an onion"
"When I found out Carl was a beekeeper I stopped loaning him bees."
"The village people asked all the wrong questions I mean... Why not MCA?"
"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. lol :P"