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Joke of the Day

"Rape jokes aren't funny. Ask a rape victim if they think rape jokes are funny. They'll say no. Not like that ever did them any good though."

"They should roast Tom Cruise sometime... Call it the Cruise-ifixion"

"It's so insulting when people think they need to explain simple things to me. I mean like, don't consume I'm dumb n shit, you know?"

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, Then soviet."

"I'm 14 shows into the 1st season of 'Lost' & there are SO many mysteries. I sure hope someone finds out where Sawyer plugs in his flat iron"

"What do you call a group of girls all named Paige? A chapter."

"An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents Her mother says: ""You bring great Shamus to this family."""

"I dropped my phone in the bath. I dropped my phone in the water. I put it in rice to dry out, it works now but i lost all my contacts except for my uncle bens."

"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

"My teenaged daughter just asked me how to spell U2. Fingers crossed for that athletic scholarship."