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Joke of the Day

"TIL that 1 in every 10 people in North America lives next door to a pedophile. Not me. I live next door to a smoking hot 8 year old."

"I knew that psychic wasn't legit when she let me write a check."

"Date someone who spoils you, always says how beautiful you are, and never thinks you've had enough to eat. Date your grandma"

"My gf broke up with me. She thinks that I am childish... So, I calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away."

"A man goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks: Do you need a bag? He answers: She isn't that ugly!"

"Why does Highlander 2 exist? There can only be one."

"What did the slave master say to his slaves when they didn't want to make shoes anymore? ""Just Do It"""

"""What do we want?"" ""A cure for ADHD!"" ""When do we want it?"" ""Squirrel!"""

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use a urinal? Because the p is silent."

"I can't think of a better time to drop dead than at a New Year's Eve party right after everyone yells ""...1!"""