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Joke of the Day

"1) My wife and I are fighting 2) My phone has an annoying ringtone whenever someone RTs me 3) My phone is in the room where she's sleeping"

"What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time? Getting all high and mighty"

"How come nobody tells ""Nacho"" jokes anymore? They're too cheesy."

"Did you hear about the skydiving company that stopped providing their own parachutes? Too much overhead."

"Everyone's a contrarian these days... Well, except for me of course."

"What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference? System of a Downs My Chemical Imbalance. Youth In Asia"

"15 is the age where you either look 11 or like 25"

"Apparently Trump wants to outlaw pre-shredded cheese... ...he keeps going on and on about how he wants to make America grate again..."

"A man comes home from work on his birthday. He's greeted by his crying wife: ""I made you a cake, but the dog ate it :-("" ""Don't worry, I'll buy you a new dog."""

"My dog is great at math. Really ? Ask him how much is two minus two. But two minus two is nothing! That's what he'll answer nothing!"