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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked Wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried & he just wanted to get to the party"

"What was wrong with Genghis Khan's new suit? There was a chink in his armor."

"[briefing] CIA DIRECTOR: We have a leak... CIA PLUMBER: (slowly stands up) CIA DIRECTOR: In our operation. CP: (slowly sits back down)"

"What do you call a dance party in Colorado? Shake 'n Bake."

"I think my TV is broken because these commercials make being human look like a gorgeous adventure but I'm just tired and sad. Yes I can hold"

"I honestly respect reality show people for the sole fact they can do their interviews weeks later and speak as if it's presently happening"

"Just realized I only had one meal today. One, thirteen-hour meal."

"9/11 Who? Knock Knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 Who? I thought you said you would never forget!"

"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"

"""Mom, I don't like my little brother."" ""Then just eat the vegetables."""