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Joke of the Day

"[in bed] M: Do that thing I like H: NO M: Please? H: *sighs [puts on British redcoat uniform] I have your tea M: I WILL NEVER PAY YOUR TAXES"

"Yo Momma is so ugly that she scares blind people!!!!"

"Where do old bowling balls end up? In the gutter!"

"'50 Shades of Grey' taught me how to please a woman. It's by writing a shitty book."

"In honor of America's upcoming Independence Day, do you know why America spells ""behavior"", ""color"", and ""humor"" the way they do? Because **fuck u**, that's why!"

"Next dude that complains about the friendzone will be step-son zoned. I will literally marry your dad and step-son zone you. Try me."

"If only Africa had more mosquito nets Then every year we could save millions of mosquito's from dying needlessly of Aids."

"if i were a white vegan satanist i would constantly say stuff like ""kale satan"" and ""i love the dark gourd"" and nobody would stop me"

"Last weekend I prevented a rape. It didn't take much. You can do it too. [xpost /r/TwoXChromosomes] I kept it in my pants."

"I told the car salesman my phone kept dying... So he gave me a Charger"