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Joke of the Day

"[in bed] M: Do that thing I like H: NO M: Please? H: *sighs [puts on British redcoat uniform] I have your tea M: I WILL NEVER PAY YOUR TAXES"

"-Knock knock -Who's there? -Go fuck yourself!"

"What did the clock do when it was hungry? Went back 4 seconds"

"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's jeans."

"What do you call a midget with Down's Syndrome who arrives to class late? A little tardy."

"Whats the hardest part about slaughtering a pig? He keeps saying ""I have a wife and kids, please don't kill me, I'm just doing my job"""

"My roommate says that I'm hard to live with... Where does the arrogant bastard get off saying things like that, He muttered it under his breath in the shower... Son of a bitch."

"I decided to be vegan! Until I realized that it was a missed steak"

"Why can't your wife make crispy bacon? Because she got used to your soft meat."

"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaaaayyyyy! Sounds better with a stereotypical SOA biker voice. I'll show myself out."