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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she is leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock."

"I keep writing letters to myself. Dear me."

"I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . ."

"All mushrooms are edible... Some you can only eat once."

"Why does it suck to be an egg? You have to share a room with 11 guys. And it takes you 4 minute to get hard and 2 minute to get soft. The worst part? The only woman that sits on your face is your mom."

"NASA: you've been selected to spend a year on the space station ME: wow that's awesome NASA: you and your entire family! ME: oh ok no thanks"

"So I hear there is going to be a sequel to Lawrence of Arabia It's going to be called Lawrence of Two Rabias."

"What did Hitler Drink for breakfast? Jews."

"What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens? Undocumented Democrats."

"*texts son ""dont say me"" as wife heads to his bedroom* wife to son: why did you put next years date on your science paper about time travel?"