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Joke of the Day

"I love when commercials are like ""because four million people can't be wrong,"" because then I'm like, ""Really? even Nazi Germany?"""

"Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Because he conditioned it."

"911: what's your emergency? me: I taught my Dad how to text 911: the problem ma'am? me: he CALLS to say ""yeah, got ur text"""

"Walk up in the club like ""THIS IS MY JAM"" handing out small jars of my homemade raspberry preserves"

"How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. Four to sit in the dark and cry about it and one to write the song."

"So a UKIP Councillor says God... is punishing the UK with floods cos of the gays. If my sex life effected the weather so much, why aren't we going through a long long dry spell?"

"My Penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out"

"My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now."

"How Many Feminist does it take to Screw SRSer ? None, Even Feminist have standarts"

"A Thursday night ""Just got Paroled!"" party down the street! Wooooo! HELL YEAH!! I'm gunna wear my best knife for this one y'all!"