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Joke of the Day

"[boarding plane with really old pilot] ""think his heart will hold out? lol"" attendent: excuse me, sir? ""depart out, what time do we leave?"""

"Someone stole my copy of Microsoft Word. Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Word, I'll track you down. You have my Word. EDIT: I saw this on /r/puns and reposted it here. I Excel at reposting."

"I'm glad they outlawed texting while driving. I can finally get some use out of this calligraphy set."

"Did you hear about the knife-wielding madman who attacked a circus camp the other day? He went straight for the juggler."

"What did one doctor say to the other doctor? ""We're both doctors"""

"""There is superstitious....... writing on the wall..."" No Stevie, that's just the wood chip mate."

"What's fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them"

"Angel: God.. Were you drunk creating last night? God: no..... Angel: *holds up platypus God: a little.."

"Can someone tell old people about call waiting, turn signals, and debit/check cards?"

"I'm perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince...But I draw the line at kissing snakes."