149728

Joke of the Day

"Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking."

"Columbia is the new Miss Universe"

"Whats the hardest thing to eat about a vegetable? The wheel chair"

"Well well well if it isn't the kangaroo whose pouch I'm in."

"How do you get a dead turtle to flip itself back over on its feet?... You take the letter F out of way."

"The toilet on the train was out of order, so I had to sit there and hold it for half an hour. A woman who was sat opposite, looked at me in disgust and asked ""Is that a fucking poo in your hand?"""

"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice."

"""Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"" *Hitler rubs chin* So mine less [Grammar Nazi busts in] ""MINE FEWER"" [Hitler looks up] Yes?"

"How did the Jewish man take advantage of the wasted girl at the bar? He had her pay his tab!"

"As a cop, I can't play PokemonGo... So I play Pokemon blacks: Gotta catch Jamal."