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Joke of the Day

"whos your future husband or wife mine reddit alien"

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"[jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go"
"I was going to say a gay joke... butt fuck it."
"*cops finds my loose floorboard* Cop: What's under here... *they discover a lifetime supply of hot pockets* Me: I'd like my lawyer now."
"What did the fruit say to the vegetable, at dinner? Lettuce Pray"
"What did the red dog say to the blue dog? Nothing, dogs can't speak."
"Relationship status~ Siri saw my browser history & now she isn't talking to me either"
"We all deserve friends like the Backstreet Boys. If you ask ""am I sexuaaaal?"" and don't get a ""yeeeeeeah!"" in response, you need a new crew."
"Trying anal is like Washing dry hands with wet soap... ...it doesn't feel the same, but its getting the same job done..."
"Where does He-Man keep his towel? BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it."