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Joke of the Day

"I don't smoke, so I take ""screaming"" breaks at work."

"My ass is one of the great wonders of the world if you're wondering when it's getting off this couch."

"Today I saw a girl wearing camouflage pants. They didn't show her ass very well."

"What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? ...Irrelephant."

"Marathon runner: I think we're lost. Why does that sign say Grand Canyon? Are you sure this is the right way? Lemming: Just trust me, ok?"

"Just read a few inspirational tweets about courage and confidence and GUESS WHO IS GOING TO ROB A BANK TONIGHT?!!"

"Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don't know."

"I had unprotected sex with a neurotic person a while back... Now I have genital worrywarts."

"If you were working at Hewlett Packard and you sprinted out of the building... ...would you die because you ran out of HP?"

"A driver was so focused on being upset I was texting while driving... They rear ended the car ahead of them. I guess texting while driving is distracting."