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Joke of the Day

"Hello police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well in that case please send over a pastrami sandwich!"

"The most tedious aspect of my job is the part where I have to jiggle the mouse every 30 minutes to keep the screensaver from activating."

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then I saw her arguing with him about money. Now I see Santa drinking by himself."

"What do my ex and a box of chocolate have in common? They kill my dog."

"Here's how I gained 27Ibs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes *whack* ""damn"" and a bad skydiver goes ""damn"" *whack*"

"Why do flies hate the shower? Because the only thing to eat is shampoo."

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."

"I like Freudian Slips as much as the next gay."

"The only thing better than sarcasm... is irony."