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Joke of the Day

"My new haircut is really starting to grow on me"

"I would tell you a joke about a vampire... ...but it would probably suck."

"Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won't remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me."

"How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it."

"How are genders like the twin towers? There used to be two of them but now everyone gets offended if you talk about it."

"I've got an inferiority complex. But it's not a very good one."

"""I'm all up for sex with handcuffs..."" ""...I just think a little warning would have been nice, Officer."""

"What do Jesus and my high school girlfriend have in common? They both bled for me."

"Reenacting the Civil War seems like a lot of work. I'd much rather reenact the Cola War from my couch. First is the battle of Whiskey."

"I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby.... But I have no clue how to make an iPhone..."