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Joke of the Day

"Grandma found out I'm single so I have roughly an hour to find a gf or Ill be getting the 'have you thought about being a priest' talk again"

"If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anyone who offers you a chair because standing is fucking exhausting."

"Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? Because they push two twins together to make a king."

"We need to get into the fertilizer industry... I hear business is booming."

"I walked in to the library today... and asked if they had the new book on tiny penises. The librarian responded ""I don't think it is in yet."" I said, ""That's the one."""

"When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough."

"What is reddits least favorite dish? Kung Pao Chicken"

"*feels the music* Music: ""ew. no."""

"Why do some Italian Christmas cakes cause so much trouble? Because you have to open pandoro's box to eat them."

"A woman goes to up to a bar and orders a Double Entrendre... So the barman gave her one."