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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a hairdresser with a werewolf? A monster with an all-over perm."

"Hard to take the guy who made my sandwich seriously as an ""artisan"" when he seems so unperturbed by the way I rape his art"

"The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, ""What's water?"" so she wouldn't feel stupid."

"I hate when interviewers ask ""why do you want this job?"" So many responses run through my head, but I don't want to sound unprofessional by saying ""because I need the fucking money."""

"My friends cat just ran across his banjo and was immediately sued by Mumford and Sons."

"What do you call a black girl under age 30 named Sarah? Identity thief."

"It appears that Jared Fogle has gain 30lbs since going to jail I guess that's what happens when you stop the child portions"

"(Blows you a kiss with chip crumbs hitting your face)"

"What do cows like to put on their hot dogs? moostard"

"What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office? An encownter group."