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Joke of the Day
"How can you tell if a fencer is a redditor? By how often he ripostes."
Next Joke
"What's the best thing about going on a surprise vacation with a gay guy? His shit's already packed."
"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies!"
"KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad...may we have ice cream? ME: no you may not [long pause] K: dad...may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?"
"Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox."
"I wrote a song about drawing maps, but it never made the charts."
"I was chatting up this woman. I said, ""You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."" ""Aww,"" she smiled, ""Can you?"" I said, ""Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."""
"My mom likes to call from baseball games just to say she can't hear me 25 times."
"Try this for fun: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying ""Sorry for the damage."" Watching them is priceless."
"I've learned there are two types of people in this world: People I trust to help me bury bodies... ...and bodies"