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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying I did terrible things last night but satan just woke up on my couch and he won't make eye contact with me."

"""If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours"" - Inventors of boomerangs"

"Aliens must know that we're an easily conquerable race if they've ever seen us try to cancel a printer job."

"The Uranus hokes will never get old I just can stop lauging at the planets name."

"Q: What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins? A: Fred."

"I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory"

"The EU has said that more needs to be done to help the Syrian refugees, especially the children. May I recommend swimming lessons?"

"Why didn't the feminist picnic work out? because they all refused to make sandwiches."

"The Chipotle I went to apologized for not having any lettuce today. I said ""It's cute that you think I'm here for that."""

"Today on ""Dora the Explorer"", Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can't explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol."