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Joke of the Day

"Me to waitress: Do you validate? Waitress: Parking, you mean? Me: No. Like, can I read you some tweets and you tell me if you like them?"

"My girlfriend from high school called today. She's stoked about getting her driver's license."

"Cinderella What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged!"

"What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved."

"Sky TV 'Fluid Viewing' I thought this meant they were now streaming PornHub"

"How do Mexican peanuts tell time? cacawatches"

"Best blunt / straight to the point jokes of all time? What do you call a boomerang that dosen't come back? A stick"

"Just heard a little kid tell his dad he was a lion and his dad said ""Wow!"" What a fucking pair of idiots."

"What is the difference between an old bus depot and a lobster with boobs? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."

"Car's favorite dance? Brake Dance"