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Joke of the Day

"Boss: Where's the progress report I asked u for Me: I haven't made any progress that's my report What I imagine it'd be like if I had a job"

"Just trimming my nose hair and drinking a soy latte. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta."

"The cat's in the cradle....OMG. It ate the baby."

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

"We should call people who vape... *vapires*"

"Courtesy of my 8-year-old : Knock knock Who's there Europe Europe who? No, you're a poo!"

"My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting."

"I can't stand when guys complain about their girlfriends giving shitty hand jobs I see where they're coming from, but something about it just rubs me the wrong way"

"People have been on the hunt for sasquatch for some time now. Finding one has proven to be no small feat."

"My mate called me an idiot for always getting my idioms wrong but it takes one to know someone."