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Joke of the Day

"It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club."

"BIDEN: I'mma punch him when he comes here. OBAMA: No, Joe. Don't do that. BIDEN: Punch him round the back. OBAMA: Joe. BIDEN: Kick, then."

"First, there was planking, then owling and milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be thinking, that would be great."

"What do we want?! Low flying planes! When do we want them?! Neeeeeeooooowwwwwwwww"

"Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I've been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed"

"Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?"

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet."

"Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam? When the generals would yell, ""Get down!"" they would all start dancing. I'm so sorry."

"The people who came up with all these different rules for pluralization are bunch of peni."

"Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!"