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Joke of the Day

"""May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?"" ""Um, there's no such thing."" ""There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"""

"Rule of thumb: if the picture you took of someone doesn't look like the pictures they post of themselves, don't tag them!"

"""Talent imitates, but genius steals."" bilbous."

"Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low. (Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)"

"What do you call a hand job from Stephen Hawking? A stroke of Genius."

"An American History Joke What do you call 5 black people having sex? A threesome."

"TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine. oops wrong sub."

"Son your teacher called, she said you wrote ""AQUAMAN RULZ"" all over your math test. [sigh] First of all, Aquaman doesnt have any good powers"

"Anyone realize Dora is always lost every episode? Why is their no Amber alert for her? Is it because she's Mexican?"

"My boyfriend is taking me to a Spanish restaurant for dinner, I'm kind of scared, I don't speak Spanish, how will I know not to order dog"