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Joke of the Day

"Keep ""Christ in ""Christopher Lloyd"" because without it, he'd be ""Opher Lloyd"" and that sounds like ""overlord."" Huh? I'll have a Sprite."

"What happens when you piss off a pepper? They get jalapeno business."

"*Comments on Facebook picture* ""That headband your baby is wearing really accentuates her baldness."""

"Did you hear about the award winning scarecrow? He was out standing in his field."

"Auto-correct changed my ""I'm tired"" to ""shut the fuck up, you unemployed bitch""."

"My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean we're playing the lottery 3-5 times per week."

"Friend 1 ""hey dude what's your PSN name?"" Friend 2 ""did you just assume my platform!"""

"Dumb joke I thought of while bored at work. Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict? You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines."

"[approaches parent with child on a leash] ""Mind if I pet your dog?"" Hey that's my son! ""Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"""

"At first i thought slave jokes had ended but then i realized there must be a market"