111933

Joke of the Day

"Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad."

"[talking to zoo attendant as I slowly take out a $50 bill] ""No"" What? ""You can't sit in the Kangaroos pouch"" *places $50 back in my pocket*"

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" Creepy. ""Creepy who?"" This is a nice bedroom you have."

"[NSFW] MY wife walked in on me fucking my daughter... I wasn't sure if she was surprised by the fact that I was fucking my daughter, or the fact that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus..."

"Has the passing of the holidays left you feeling alone in the world, unloved and depressed? Don't worry, Valentine's Day is coming right up!"

"Missed connection. You cut in front of me at Starbucks in May, 2009. I finally thought up a witty response."

"What do you call shy bladder incidents? Frozen pees"

"What is posthumous work ? Something written by someone after they are dead !"

"Roses are red... Violets are glorious. I wouldn't surprise Oscar Pistorius."

"A student told the teacher when he grows up he wants power. The teacher replied well your gonna first need to learn algebra..lol"