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Joke of the Day

"How did you get out of Iraq? Iran"

"My kid sat on the floor of a public restroom, so I had to throw him away and now I have to make a new one. Parenting is hard, you guys."

"This diet is probably gonna end in murder, but still pretty excited. I'm gonna look so skinny in my mugshot!"

"when you post a tweet so good you have to do a bunch of push-ups & your mom bangs on your door & tells you to stop breathing so loud"

"What did Joe Hill say when someone asked if he was Joe King? ""No, I'm dead serious."""

"I heard the camera adds 10 pounds. Don't eat cameras."

"Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful."

"The awkward moment your phone does a stupid auto correct... And makes everyone think you're refrigerator"

"My new favorite sex position... Is called the JFK. It's where I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"Gluten Margarine, Reddit! That's Food-German for ""good morning""."