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Joke of the Day

"No thanks, Party Casino; if I wanted to gamble when watching porn, I'd start the video with the volume on full and my door wide open."

"Why didn't the kayak owner and yacht owner get along? They didn't have ships in common."

"Why didn't the hipster have HIV? He fucked Charlie Sheen before he was cool."

"I really hope my 2 year old daughter is this difficult to get into bed when she's 18"

"UR MOMA IS SO HAIRY THAT HARRY POTTER GOT JEALOUS."

"One half of reddit will be mortified, the other will laugh at this joke. What did the south tower say to the north? BRB man, I've got to catch a plane. Im soz."

"My DNA is all over this room. So nobody go doing anything all life-sentency in here, ok?"

"I recently threw my dog into the Thames and he didn't sink He always was a good buoy."

"[cool person follows me] me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?"

"What's a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty."