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Joke of the Day

"It's my epileptic friend's birthday soon so I got him a strobe light. He's going to have a fucking fit when he sees it."

"Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat? Cause if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat."

"[Woods] SNOW WHITE: Oh, what a lovely little house! GOLDILOCKS: [in ski mask] Beat it, sister. I've been scoping this place out for weeks."

"What's a seal's favorite drink? Canadian Club on the rocks."

"He wants my carcasses apparently. I think autocorrect won that round."

"Girls read smiles And the gap in your teeth spell friendzone"

"A Muslim suicide bomber joins Reddit **Edit: Wow, this blew up!"

"I am the Cuba Gooding Jr. of succeeding at something every 8-10 years or so..."

"Why do bears hate shoes so much? They like to run around in their bear feet."

"Why do Christian people suck at Pokemon? They don't believe in evolution"