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Joke of the Day

"Ferguson jokes... Are always a riot."

"For those of you wondering what it's like to be married, I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having."

"[bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?"

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"" [ c/o /u/jubileo5 ]"

"Two flies are eating a turd. One of them farts, and the other one says ""Dude, gross. I'm eating."""

"I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology... ... The biggest difference is that the phrase ""my server went down on me"" is no longer a good thing."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, *look what's telling me that.*"

"What did the ocean said to the shore? Nothing, it just waved."

"It's better to have hope in your soul.."

"Twitter is kinda like my diary except I don't use a glitter gel pen or tell you guys how much I miss Josh."