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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a baseball bat and the other is just.... Well... A watermelon."

"We should have a horse for president. All in favor say 'neigh'."

"Sure, 50% of marriages end in divorce and yeah, that's sad. But 100% of married people will die, and isn't that a greater tragedy?"

"You've got a face even an Instagram filter couldn't fix."

"What is Harry Potters abortion spell? Fetus-Deletus"

"The best thing about time machines ... ... is that you can buy it used and sell it new."

"If you and I are still single in 200 years let's agree to haunt a Burger King as a singular entity."

"I go through the 7 stages of grief just to get to work everyday."

"The new Batman movie wasn't all that good I know 12 people that won't watch it again"

"Is your refrigerator running? ...must've been made in France"