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Joke of the Day

"How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, ""Really dude, you look huge!"""

"What do you call a disabled person during a zombie apocalypse? Meals on wheels..."

"One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers."

"[talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks."

"Dear Lord, if my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they won't bother hating on mine."

"It's my life. I'll live it, I'll love it, and I won't care what you think of it."

"I sleep with a water gun near my bed, in case of cat burglar."

"HORROR STORY- U are the only one alive in a post apocalyptic world. U tweet and it gets retweeted!"

"The first time I got up close and personal with a girl was round the back by the school bins. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't looked into that rubbish bag."

"9/10 people think that mobbing at work is okay..."