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Joke of the Day

"I lost a few pounds today,... but when I lifted up my shirt I found them again."

"I want to start a show about businesses in my neighborhood called, ""HOW IS IT STILL OPEN??!"""

"Here's a new mythological creature for the consideration pile. Taurustaur. Half man, half reliable family sedan."

"The only honorable thing I've ever done in my life is this girl named Judy. Although, I'm starting to have doubts she was a real judge."

"Subway Jared ended his career just like how he started it... ...by trying to get into smaller pants"

"Tuna What do you call a can of tuna in a lesbians back pocket? DIP"

"Counting to ten after someone pisses you off gives you time to think of somewhere to bury them."

"I don't like public bathrooms because people look at me weird when I fully submerge my penis in urinal water to pee."

"How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be? Use LED based paint."

"If a bend in a shoreline creates a large ocean inlet, but no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? ... think about it."