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Joke of the Day

"How do you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 1 in the boot and the rest in the ashtray."

"""you yelled 'this is not my daddy!' when i picked you up to leave the store. you're lucky i let you live"" -how dad signs my birthday cards"

"Me: Mmm...I love your milky white skin. Him: Ma'am are you registered for this class? Me: Yes Him: Step away from the CPR doll and sit down."

"Give a man a six pack and he'll drink for a day. Give him a 24 pack and he'll drink for a day."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's fucking dead."

"Hey Home Shopping Network: We have the internet now."

"Sardine Wife: ""What's wrong?"" Sardine Husband: ""I just need some space, Linda."" Sardine Wife: ""WHERE EXACTLY SHOULD I GO, KENNETH"""

"In or On ? Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?"

"The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream."

"Why did the pirate date the mermaid? He thought finding X in her algebra would lead to booty."