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Joke of the Day

"Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook."

"Want to hear a word I made up? Plagiarism"

"An ear doctor gets a phone call from a patient and asks him to describe the symptoms. He says, ""they're yellow, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"". [Source](http://m.imgur.com/gallery/3axkvOQ)"

"Someone told me you thought you were good enough to be part of my exclusive pee club. Ok. Urine."

"In grade 5 during biology my teacher asked me ""what is in cells?"" I answered my Uncle Eric and Dad and she made me go home."

"My girlfriend doesn't believe in abstinence. Thank God."

"What are a fedora tipper's three favorite pokemon? M'chop M'choke M'champ"

"A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds"

"New years eve. An evening of fun, alcohol, laughter,, family, and friends Or at least that's what it could have been if you weren't sat here browsing reddit"

"The President of the United States, the Prime Minister of England, and the King of Thailand walk into a bar in Bangkok and the bartender says ""May I get you and your guests drinks, Your Majesty?"""