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Joke of the Day

"Boss: I've been told one of you is just a robot car in disguise *everyone stares at me, even Optimus who is drinking oil instead of coffee*"

"Boyfriend is talking about taking me on a camping trip. Like, a real one where we'll sleep in a tent and pee outside. Is he mad at me?"

"I play the keyboard in a band called The Internet!"

"My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish... She would dress like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"Which element is unsure of it's gender? Sili-kin"

"Robin Williams was found dead in his house. The police suspect arson, but I doubtfire. Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/2dacn8/no/cjnr8i8"

"I think maybe the key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial."

"What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."

"What is the most obvious caretaker? It's a parent."

"I bought a new sex doll... it's so realistic she doesn't wanna have sex with me."