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Joke of the Day

"""Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight."" -- The Swiss Army"

"What do you call a pig that can't be seen? Hamouflage"

"[interview at a clothing store] be cool, don't let them know you're a dog ""so what color is this dress?"" oh you gotta be kidding me"

"I saw a fight in the chip shop the other day... Two fish got battered."

"I'm sticking to my guns. I really should have washed my hands after I ate."

"What was Robert E. Lee voted in his High School Yearbook? ""Most likely to Secede"""

"I hate Holocaust jokes: My grandpa died in Auschwitz... He fell off a guard tower while on duty. Neva forget"

"I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick."

"Why is it hard to break up with a Star Trek fan? Because they are such Kling-ons."

"Sex is like Broccoli If you were forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult."