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Joke of the Day

"What if Toyota's problems with sticky accelerators were traced back to a pedalmaker who forgot to wash his hands after eating a honey bun?"

"Did you hear about the man who got AIDS? He was fucked."

"[break-in] BURGLAR: [cracks safe] COP: Not so fast, kiddo BURGLAR: [cracks safe more slowly]"

"Having sex is like playing a game of bridge If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."

"If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet"

"Two fish are swimming when they run into a wall. One of the fish turns to the other and says ""damn."""

"What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman? Wait, I can explain everything!"

"Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread? The middle yeast"

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. Shoulda cooked it on aloha temperature"

"How's everyone holding up ? It's crazy out there. I've killed at least 15 zombies already !! Why are they all carrying candy ?"