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Joke of the Day

"If I could pick a superpower it would be to clone myself so the other me could answer the 4,291,386 questions my 4 year old asks daily"

"What do you get when you cross a blue eye and a brown eye? Pink eye"

"You hear lots of jokes about white sugar, but you hardly ever hear them about brown sugar, demerara."

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER! -I haven't fucked any mothers yet but yours is at the top of my list."

"How to tell if you suck at football... Hint: You call it soccer."

"When my girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"How do you end an argument with a woman? Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over."

"Today I woke up to a surprise bj for the first time Probably should sleep with my mouth closed from now on"

"CNN is confirming that the only news in the world today is the blizzard. everything else is under control."

"What language do they speak in Holland? Hollandaise."